BUT GOD!

Happy New Year everyone! I pray your holiday season was blessed and this new year brings you more love, hope, peace, and joy. 

It has been nearly two years since my last post. I wish I could say that I have been enjoying a long overdue sabbatical on a Caribbean Island, but not so. Unfortunately, I have been pressing my way through the most difficult season of my life. There were times when I didn’t think I would make it through, BUT GOD!

You see my beloved, a couple weeks after my last post, I lost my mother. As you can imagine, my heart was heavy, and my emotions were all over the place. I must admit, I could not fully understand how God would heal my heart and give me His peace, which intensified my struggles. This was a pain I had never experienced. It was almost unbearable. Not to mention, shortly before my mother passed, I was going through some personal and professional struggles, for which I sought therapy. The loss of my mother amid everything else further challenged my emotional well-being. I truly believe my choice to seek therapy was divinely directed, because only God knew things would get worse before they got better.

While prayer, therapy, and time in God’s word were helping to restore my peace of mind, I still found myself feeling down, distracted, and even depressed quite often. Many days and nights I cried out to the Lord to deliver me. I did not like the place I was in; it was scary. I thought I was going crazy. Only God really knew the depth of my struggles. I didn’t think I could share the deepest of my pain with anyone, not even my husband. I kept telling myself, trust God, take one day at a time, and you will be alright. I thank God for the emotional self-care He led me to continue after my mother passed away, because I lost my father a little over a year later. I thought wow this is too much Lord! At this point, I was numb and needed God to hold on to me like never before. The death of a loved one is inevitable, and you cannot control when or how it will happen. Likewise, you can never fully understand how it will change you or your life. I could have easily moved backward and fallen into a complete state of depression, BUT GOD!

This has surely been a difficult season for me, BUT GOD has been strategic in how he is answering my prayers and helping me guard my heart and protect my peace. It has been stressful, BUT GOD has given me the tools to keep me sane as I learn to move forward without my parents. I felt down and depressed, BUT GOD used people to speak life to me, to encourage and inspire me to keep pressing toward the mark. I felt like all that I was challenged with was going to take me out, BUT GOD has been consistently reminding me that He has plans for me; plans to prosper me, and not to harm me; plans to give me hope and a future.

It took some time for me to refocus and regain my wits, but now I see how God was with me every step of the way. I have learned that grieving is different for everyone, and you cannot put a timetable on the process. I will continue to take one day at a time and trust that God will work everything out for my good, because I love Him, and He loves me. He knows my name and still has work for me to do. The devil thought he had me, BUT GOD!

Scripture Reference: Philippians 4:7; Philippians 3:14; Jeremiah 29:11; Romans 8:28

Pressing Toward the Mark

AJ